Things to do with Podlings
by Sol Do Curse
Summary: Various hints and ideas to do with those "twee and anoying" Podlings! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
1. Default Chapter

Many Uses for a Podling  
  
By Cursed Sun and her friends  
  
(sol_do_curse@yahoo.com.br)  
  
---  
  
"The Dark Crystal" (O Cristal Encantado or El Cristal Encantado) is trademark of Henson and Oz.  
  
---  
  
This is a fun Idea thought up by me and some friends of mine (concept by Metal Morphasis, edited and translations by me).  
  
Now, let teh Podling carnage BEGIN! ---  
  
The Podling Cookbook  
I. Cooking with the Podling  
  
II. General preparation of Podlings  
  
III. Selected Recipes  
I. Cooking with the Podling  
  
The key to cooking with the podling, is to remember that it is in fact,  
  
a vegetable and therefore should always be used as a side-dish.  
  
It is very important to try and select the healthiest specimens...always  
  
watch for bruising, soft spots or general abnormalities (avoid using  
  
podlings associated with the skeksis's "essence" draining process).  
  
The subtle taste of the cooked podling varies greatly, depending upon  
  
age and which portion is eaten. Most prefer the "head' region, as it is  
  
generally the most solid and best preserved. It is also said that the  
  
excitement level of the podling BEFORE preparation, can vary the taste.  
  
While a calm podling, unaware of what is about to happen, has a smoother  
  
dryer taste, whilst an excited and terrified podling, who realizes his  
  
fate, will taste more bitter...perhaps even gamie. A quick and  
  
unsuspecting blow to the back of the aforementioned "head" region,  
  
generally makes individuals more compliant and serves to tenderize  
  
hardened areas...  
  
II. General preparation of Podlings  
  
Preparing the podling is quite easy. Be sure and wash all individuals  
  
before using them, cutting away heavily soiled or bruised areas. If  
  
proper measures have not been taken (see above), this might aggravate  
  
the remaining portions of the podling. Eyes and protruding roots and  
  
limbs are usually removed, as well, leaving only the thickest part of  
  
the podling remaining. The skin is also quite easy to peel off, at this  
  
point, or can be boiled off while cooking...  
III. Selected Recipes  
Podling French Fries  
  
-First, heat up deep fryer.  
  
-Second, prepare as noted previously, though skin may be left on if  
  
prefered.  
  
-Third, slice little bastards into thin strips (or for a fun snack the  
  
children will love, try cutting them into shapes).  
  
-Fourth, place podling strips into deep fryer. Wait 8-9 minutes, or  
  
until golden brown.  
  
-Add salt and pepper to taste, serve when ready.  
Boiled Podlings (or Podlings and Carrots)  
  
-First, fill large saucepan with lightly salted water and heat to boil.  
  
-Second, prepare as previously stated, again skin may be left on, if  
  
prefered.  
  
-Third, pitch podlings into boiling water...hehehe  
  
(for Podlings and Carrots, chop both carrots and podlings into cubes,  
  
then pitch in water).  
  
-Fourth, cover and boil rapidly until tender. Length of cooking time  
  
may vary depending upon age, size and general stamina of podling.  
  
-Fifth, drain immediately and shake over low heat, until dry and mealy.  
  
-Lastly, keep uncovered in a warm place until ready to serve.  
  
-Serve hot with butter or gravy.  
  
Mashed Podlings  
  
-First, clean and prepare podlings as stated, also removing the skins.  
  
-Second, cook podlings in boiling salt water until soft (as above).  
  
-Third, drain and shake over low heat, again until dry and mealy.  
  
-Fourth, mash or press podlings into pulpy consistency (use mixer or  
  
stir vigorously).  
  
-Last, add milk in small amounts to moisten.  
  
-Best served hot, with butter or gravy.  
Podlings Au Gratin  
  
-First, prepare medium to large sized serving of mashed podlings.  
  
-Second, grease shallow baking dish.  
  
-Third, spread 3 or 4 cups hot mashed podlings (as above), into greased  
  
baking dish.  
  
-Fourth, sprinkle with half-cup of buttered bread crumbs and half-cup  
  
of grated cheese and a dash of paprika.  
  
-Fifth, place into moderate oven (300-350 degrees), for about 20-30  
  
minutes or until lightly browned.  
  
-Lastly, keep in warm place until ready to serve. -Add salt and pepper  
  
to taste.  
Baked Podlings  
  
-First, select smooth evenly shaped podlings, as they are better for  
  
baking.  
  
-Second, scrub clean.  
  
-Third, rub podings with butter or bacon fat.  
  
-Fourth, bake in oven (450 degrees or more), for about 45 minutes  
  
-Fifth, remove steaming spudheads from oven and cut gashes immediately,  
  
lengthwise and crosswise, to allow steam to escape and prevent  
  
sogginess.  
  
-Lastly, pinch to spread opening, insert a piece  
  
of butter and sprinkle with paprika.  
  
-Serve at once.  
  
REMEMBER KIDS...EAT PODLINGS !!!...they look and taste just like potatoes  
  
with half the fat... 


	2. MORE things to do with Podlings

Many Uses for a Podling  
  
By Cursed Sun and her friends  
  
(sol_do_curse@yahoo.com.br)  
  
---  
  
"The Dark Crystal" (O Cristal Encantado or El Cristal Encantado) is trademark of Henson and Oz.  
  
---  
  
Here are some uses for those damn Podlings from "Dark Crystal" /"Cristal Encantado":  
  
20. Podiling Brand Marshmallows!  
  
19. Crash test dummy Podlings! They will do good!  
  
18. Use these little willing Potato people as SOCCER BALLS!  
  
17. Use Podlings as V.P of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory  
  
16. Not to mention they could also go down same "Bad Egg shoot" as Varuka Salt did in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.  
  
15. Use a Podiling as a Scarecrow for your garden, in caise you cannot make one yourself.  
  
14. Use Podiling for light saber (laser sabre from "Star Wars") tester to see what the Light Saber could cut through.  
  
13. Use the podilings as paint supplements. Grind them in to pouder, then mix them with water, and walla, you got.......PODLING PAINT!  
  
12. Have a big bunch of Podlings feed Kaiju, like.......GODZILLA!  
  
11. Use Podilings as cannon balls in a cannonball in a freak show act.  
  
10. Send some Podlings through hamberger grinder and serve them as "Veggie Burgers".  
  
That makes vegans happy to know stupid cows are not involved. Plus, beef fatty anyways, Podilings arent!  
  
9. Get a Podling with high body temprature, and play the game "Hot Potato" with it. Watch out though, Podling fevers could burn your hands!  
  
8. Have them be stunt dobles for the Olsen Twins in the TV reunion show "Full House of Terror"!  
  
7. Podlings make good foot masagers and foot likers, no matter how rough or corny your feet are.  
  
6. Buoy out at sea.  
  
5. Podlings make got pot scrubbers too!  
  
4. Podilings make good experiments for filler in vegetarian "meat meals", such as Quorn or Tofou products!  
  
3. "Ripeley's Believe it or not!" record: the longest time spent with Podlings without getting hungry.  
  
2. Podlings make great pillows or foot rests.  
  
AND #1 USE FOR PODLINGS ARE..........  
1. USE THEM AS SKEKAYUK, THE BIG FAT GOUMAND SKEKSIS BAIT! Hey, since SkekAyuk eats just about anything and everything, why not Podlings? 


End file.
